Patty and I had a conversation...

and this came up...

very funny

Slacker numero trois

and now it's my turn to offer my sincere apologies to our small but dedicated blogging community. I have been knee deep in work, mourning (fucking eagles), writing a new screenplay (animated musical about a little bird named Flop)and planning the trip to AFRICA!!!!!!! That's right, it's all happening. Kevin and I leave on November 11th for Tanzania and then, after a 7-day safari in the Serengeti, hit the road for Rwanda where we'll spend a couple weeks at the orphanage shooting photos and videos of the kids. in case I failed to tell everyone, Kev and I got involved with this foundation that supports the orphans of the genocide. we're going to redesign their website and help with the fundraising effort by doing a documentary of sorts. we're REALLY excited. and, don't worry, in Rwanda we'll be traveling with people from the foundation and when we're in Tanzania we're safari-ing in very safe areas. Erin, I'll bring you back a black orphan for your kid collection. let me know if you'd like a boy or a girl.

in digestive news...in order to fix my f'ing stomach, I am going to try the Master Cleanse. pretty much I'm not gonna eat for 10 days. only pepper, lemon juice and maple syrup. yes!

what else? sara palin scares the bejesus out of me. if obama doesn't win I may stay in Rwanda forever.

go birds. please.
p

Sausage

Hey all-
Like my brotha, apologies for my absence from the blog---but how bout them Iggles??? Da Bears--(don't even care for them, really, but gee whizz!)
My Justin wanted to watch the football game on TV, but I had to cover his eyes so as not to derail any of his natural talent...the kid's got a mean spiral on him---must get that from A. Pat. So Slob--thanks so much for the B-day wishes, and reminding me that I am no longer young--no fear brotha, Mother Nature reminds me EVERY DAY!!! I am also VERY concerned about your broken hand sweetie, and the splint/brace that you're wearing...not an ortho nurse by any means, but I hope that Billy-Jo-Ray-Bob knows what he's doing??? If you let a fracture heal improperly, you may not be able to get full range of motion back in your lil' paw, kitten.....just puttin it out there---don't want you to be all cripped up is all----how will you prepare X Mas dinner for the family??? And just FYI---my 6 year old son can NOT score you any "meth" on the bus---it's Collin you need to talk to-- he is "the man" at preschool, and I know he's got connections, yo! God I am old--I can't even pretend to sound cool anymore...COME HOME SIBLINGS!!!!!! RIGHT NOW!!!!! We all miss you and love you guys!!!!

I'm still here

Hey everybody!

Sorry about the absence from the blog. I broke my hand last week and have been doing the "no insurance" cha-cha to get it fixed. No worries though, our training room and orthapedic surgeon have got me all fixed up for a grand total of $72 (the cost of the X-ray). I have a sweet thing called a gutter splint on it for the next four weeks and I am learning to write left-handed. Also, typing's a bitch. I'll try to post the X-ray for those medical personnel in our family. Also, I'm getting insurance. Anyhoo, a couple of things. Nice photoshopped tan P-ster. Suck it, Wayne. WELCOME TO THE BLOG, POP!!! Erin, can you ask Justin to score me some meth on the bus?

I'll try to post as much as I can. I don't get any days off this season, but I shall do my best.

Love you all.

The cripple

E-A-G-L-E-S!!!!

Hey all-
I heard there may be a lil' football competition on TV tonight----anyone watch it? I dunno, but it sure would be a darn shame if McNabb and Westbrook had a fumblina---but EVEN WORSE--- wouldn't it SUCK if you could actually execute lateral passes that resulted in NO yards at all whatsoever??? Golly, what a dang shame that would be.....that would really hurt to watch.....a lot.......anyway--love to all---oh yeah- fly eagles fly----HAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Put that in your pipes and smoke the shit out of it!!!!!!!!!

Going to Hell

Hey all-
Just wanted to let the fam know that AJ has moved out of her apartment and into a nursing home--Saint Martha's Manor in Downingtown,PA. She's had many a fall, and has lost so much weight that her Doctor has diagnosed her with "Failure to Thrive"--a common diagnosis for elderly people that don't eat much. I spoke to her yesterday, and she was SOOO confused---she didn't know it was me on the phone for a good couple of minutes, and that's really not like her at all....but as confused as she is, she still managed to send me a beautiful bouquet of flowers for my birthday----gotta love AJ, yeah? Just want to ask that we all make an effort to make sure we go and see her at this joint when everyone's home--we can take her out for like lunch and stuff---also, really need to help Aunt Maura as much as we can--she got this whole thing done without any help from anyone---mighty impressive--I'm gonna try to help her clean out AJ's apt., but if anyone talks to AJ on the phone--remember, she is a wee bit confused, and she really thinks that she can leave the nursing home and go back to her apartment...just need to remind her that it is not safe for her to be on her own like that anymore, and that St Martha's has mass twice a day--she really liked that idea! Anyway, thanks all--just wanted to let everyone know what's going on!
E

melanin update

for all you non-believers, three words: I'm tan, bitches!

Dibs on the Civil War clothes

Hey Dad-
Well it's about f'ing time you grabbed a glove and got into the blogging game. We do, however, have a strict policy in the blog world, much like the rules for visits and family functions, just so you're aware of "blog etiquette": 1) No talk of religion or politics 2) We do not judge others by the NFL team they worship ( this is a new rule- so deal with it) 3) NEVER ask Dad how or anything about the Civil War, especially when newcomers are present 4) NO pictures that may be used against you at a later date--this includes 60 something year old men dressed as cowboys, soldiers, or any type of character from a nursery rhyme. 5) Erin Judge is in no way shape or form responsible for, nor does she necessarily agree with the opinions of Mr. Wayne Judge (Erin disclaimer). That being said---CONGRATULATIONS DAD!!!!! About time Xerox got their heads out of their patooties and let you enjoy the "golden years". Glad to hear you are you're leading such a healthy existance, and just FYI--Justin started 1st grade this week, so if you get some time, please give him a call---he (and the lil' Monster) miss you! By the way, know any good workmans comp lawyers?? Got hurt last night, but don't know anything about workmans comp--thuoght maybe some of your republican buddies may know something. Anyway, tell Susan and Stephen hello and Happy Grandparents' Day!!!! It's Sunday ( Well, today now) Love---Erin & Co.

Finally Almost Retired

Dear Family:

Xerox finally told me that their search to find me a new job has failed and that I am to finally be let go. This means that I can suck you all dry of the money you poor working stiffs have to contribute to my Social Security payment every month. It's a shame that the fund will be bankrupt by the time you all retire. If I haven't blown all my money on Sloe Gin and Fast Women when you retire you are welcome what is left. You should be able to re-dye my Civil War uniforms so you won't look too funny while you are dumpster diving for food.

My arms are almost cured and I am now working out at the YMCA every day now that I am not in pain. (You can call me Arnold.) I am running a mile and not throwing up or crying.

As soon as I can figure out how to post pictures I will show you all how cool I look in my cowboy outfit. We have a shoot tomorrow.

If anyone is planning to come home please let me know. I am available for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Dad

I found the blog!!

I am now a tecchie. Now if I can only figure out how to read everybody's stuff I will be happy.
Dad

Club Med sucks!

Yo sista-thanks for the words of encouragement--helped a REALLY lot! I'm OK now, but J-bird starts tomorrow---on the bus--I just got done setting up his school bag and crap--he's getting so big!!! Anyway, I'll be fine till tomorrow, I think! Hey, Club Med may be better if they only had------free drinks- I mean really , what kinda place are they trying to run down there??? Some vacation-sounds pretty bad, sorry sis....you suck, by the way! As far as cool Kev goes, you HAVE to keep in mind that any other man, gay or straight, is a potential threat to the man who loves you...sounds like your boy has some issues with insecurity, but if that's his biggest problem, it ain't so bad, huh? Some schmuck guys actually use that "gay" thing as a pickup, believe it or not, because it makes them seem unattainable and/or the woman feel like she's turned a gay guy to the hetro side of the force---no shit, some guys actually do this, SO, again, if Kev's jealous and insecure--set him straight and don't take any shit, but remember, it could be something WAY worse! He is just insanely in love wich you babe, forgive him! Hope you're having a FABULOUS time!! Have many Margeritas for me, ci? PLEASE remember---sun is good in moderation my fair skinned sis (Sunblock 2000 is good)! I LOVE YOU!!! Get home safe, and call me when you get back,kay?

I am turning into Mom!

Hey guys!
Sorry it's been a while--working nights at a new hospital, still a wee bit disoriented---what the Hell is today?? Is it Tuesday?? Just kidding--it's OK so far, and I get to spend more time w/the boys, so all good. BIG news---Justin has a loose tooth!! He is demanding a hefty ransom of $20 from that tooth fairy ho, too...that's me boy!! We negotiate his allowance weekly as well, and big f'ing surprise, he usually (OK always) wins. We also just got a letter from school today about starting 1st grade and lunch money and bus schedules, so as I stated above, I AM Mom now cause I cried----a really lot...I mean lunch money, and a BUS??!!! He's just a baby, and I don't know about this whole bus thing. Yes, the bus stop is like a block away---not on 352 , but by that bible beating, eat live chickens church on the corner, but there are no seat belts on buses, and I am FREAKING OUT!!! He REALLY wants to try the bus---think I should go w/this one?? OK sorry, I just have been crying a lot this week (like Ma used to)... J-funk hit me with all kinds of crap this week--loose tooth, buses!! When will it end???
I also want to make it clear yet again that I am in no way, shape or form responsible for what my loving retarded husband puts on this blog--I find out after the fact, and have no way to censor or talk sense into him ( Erin Judge disclaimer again). He was reminded about the strict no religion,politics, or Civil war rule.
SISTAH-- I am so sorry I didn't call you to wish you a safe and FABULOUS trip tomorrow!!! Have a great time, and no, you should not tan, sweetie--not happening, whitey, sorry! Also very sorry about your new cheese free life---God that sucks--that'd be like tellin me I can't have steak--have you tried the lactaid pills? I hear they work pretty well, but still have to modify the dairy intake---that does NOT mean no grilled cheese--just not every meal or day is all, yeah? Also, I saw your post about Par-- that is so COOL---and for the record, I consider her like family, so if I can ever help or whatever, you don't ever need to ask if it has to do with Par, kay? I heart Miss Korea! I read those nursing mags ALL the time!!You tell Paris she can call or e-mail or whatever any tme she wants--I'd be honored! Anyway, have an amazing time on your trip--give Kevin hugs and squishes, and call me tomorrow if you have time before you leave--I work at 7pm EST, but will be in & out tomorrow day. If not, call me when you get home--when are you coming home, anyway?
And SLOBBY-----you want I should come down south and take care of a few of them inbred kids for ya? Nobody talks to MY baby brother like that--little bastards! I've got half a mind to come to WKU and rough some people up---or maybe, I just have half a mind--don't know really.....don't you worry bout those guys, Bob---soon enough, they'll realize that you ARE in fact Satan, and they'll stop f'ing with you, kay honey? Anyway, you say the word ---I hop in my IROC and no more problems at WKU.....
We miss you guys SOOOO much--got some old pix developed today and you guys were in them---so now you must come home, for we all want you to....NOW!!! Love you guys!!!!

I am turning into Mom!

Political question...

Don't feel obligated to answer, but who are you voting for and why? To be honest, I can't stand McCain, and was leaning towards Obama...yes Obama. That was until he became just like any other politician and picked that A-hole Biden as a running mate. Now I'm just confused as to who to vote for, and if I can't make up my mind I may not vote at all this year, because to be completely honest and logical. whoever it is, will they really make a difference anyway?

Don't want to start a big political storm, just looking for some thoughts.

Parade of Nicknames

So the WKU Swimming and Diving team is now three days into our season and here is the list of creative nomenclature that my athletes have assigned to me:

1. Dick
2. The Devil
3. Satan
4. Ass (sometimes with an added "hole")
5. Grand Inquisitor (I particularly like that one)
6. Something muttered under their breath that sounded like"Hother ughcer"

I love this time of year.

I can't digest complex sugars : (

first off, congrats sis on acing the big test!

second off (or one-hundreths of a second off, which is the amount of time I missed grabbing gold in the olympic grilled cheese eating contest), breaking news, I am definitely lactose intolerant. which means that olympic grilled cheese was, sadly, my last. well, no, not really, because I can't live without cheese, but I am cutting back my dairy intake significantly. I'm down to one meal a week where cheese is the headliner. I would hope my family would support me on this as is it the most difficult thing I've ever done. but I'm so sick of feeling like my stomach is going to explode, and kevin is fed up with my endless farting.

dairyless in LA,
p

Hukd on foniks

Please forgive the blatant disregard of proper spelling, punctuation, and grammar in my last post....worked 12 hours today (7am-7:30pm) and as you may remember, I am NOT a morning person...OK--that is all

I heart pork!

WOW, my brotha--don't really know what all that shit is you made, but it sure do sound good! Actually, anything involving pork/porkroast IS good! I am rather drawn to the fine snack food we all know and love which are--pork rinds. Mmmmm--good.... Just like my sibs to give it up for Notorious E--- took a very difficult class/test for ACLS (advanced cardiac life support for the laypeople) and after being out of the hospital and away from heart monitors and the drugs that go with them for 3+ years--I passed!!! Woo-hoo---I won't go into details about what I had to do to pass, let's just say there are some really unattractive people teaching ACLS that are a little bit happier now (no- I'm just messin with ya)...I passed all by my self--so if anyone feels the urge to "code" or go into a fatal heart rhythm, call me,kay? Slobby, what a FABULOUS day to have a dinner party! I think that's one of the best days of the year, Sept. 14---don't know why though... I know you're like a superb chef now and you make all this really amazing stuff that I do not understand, but may I just throw out there a thought----boneless ribs--OK it sounds silly and not gourmet, but it is an Asian dish that is loved by many bajillion people (it's a fact), and I'm sure there's a way to fancy it up so it will maintain your culinary standards, brotha! Always remember the classics, yeah? Sorry to hear about the 4am wake up call, as your new lil' chickens will be when they show up the first few practices with their pores all clogged up with malted hopps and bong resin---ah, the good ol' days! Anyway--God speed man--or may the force be with you ---heethan sinner who may in fact go straight to somewhere warm! I love you and I am SOOOO proud of you (at the risk of sounding condescending----I just want you to be HAPPY and cook good stuff!) We live once---do what you love to do, yeah? Oh yeah, get your ass home, too!!! We miss you! That goes for you too my sista! Again- have nothing to do with my husband's football ideas/delusions---I think he may be using the glue again, poor fella...
That is all for now....Erin

Welcome, sister!

welcome to the blog, sis.

a few things:

1. fav buns of steel quote: "It feels good, doesn't it? When you know why you're doing it it does! YOU have a beautiful body." I love you, greg smithey.

2. I WILL tan, but not mouth breath, in mexico (found out you need to be certified in order to dive there.)

3. please gain control of your husband and slap some sense into him. the giants? those are grounds for divorce in my opinion.

4. when you have some free time (ha ha) let us know how you're doing. so curious about the new job, the boys, etc.

5. go birds

p

And Leon's getting LARGER....

Just thought I would fill you guys in on what I had for dinner last night. I made a roast pork tenderloin stuffed with a sun-dried-tomato pesto with a roasted red pepper sauce and served it with homemade gratin potatoes with portobello mushrooms and a mix of parmesan, asiago, and fontina cheese. It is the second best pork I have made (the first being a really nice pork a napoli). Only took 2 HOURS! I also realized that I can get tilapia (it's a fish) for like $.80 per pound and I have a great recipe for a parmesan crust that I used on some fresh grouper this summer. Plus it goes great in my own personal recipe of Risotto with white balsamic mushrooms and roasted red pepper. Also, made some homemade pancakes this morning using a touch of nutmeg and vanilla in the batter. Very good stuff.

I have a dinner coming up on Sep. 14th for about 80 people. Ken and I are going Asian so I need to come up with some good stuff. Let me know if you have any favorite asian dishes that I could play around with.

Also, all of the new freshmen arrived on campus today for Orientation, which means those crazy kids with their loud bass will be arriving shortly and keeping me up 'til 3 am. And next week starts the season and getting up a 4 am. YEAH!!

B

A decision of GIANT proportions....

After sleeping on it, I decided you may all have a good point in my becoming a Bucs fan. The color scheme is bad, I don't live near them....yet. So for my first year without the Eagles I decided to go a route that would keep my team closer to home, a MUCH MUCH better color scheme, and they are winners on top of everything else.


GO GIANTS!!!!

It's that time of the year again...

Yes yes, it is that time of the year again. It's our anniversary!!!! Ahhh, 7 years of complete bliss.

Since I didn't respond to one of Patty's comments in her other blog, I will do so here. You remember it, the one about me being an Eagle's fan for 45 years? I must say Patty, your pretty funny as we all know I am not 45 years old. I'm in my mid twenties. Just cause I married an older woman, does NOT make me old. Which is why I constantly as myself why you all didn't question why Erin was marrying such a young stud? Oh well, love is blind to age I guess.

Oh yeah....GO BUCS!

The Bucs stop here

after backtracking through the b-judge blogosphere and reading wayne's comments, I have to say, WTF wayne? you've abandoned the eagles? THIS IS OUR YEAR! I think maybe all that sponge bob viewing has fouled up the wiring in your noggin (make note of the kid tv channel reference. thanks.)

how long have you been an eagles fan? like 45 years or something? what happened? why this sudden change of heart? (your breaking mine, btw.)

and, seriously, the bucs? good luck making that color scheme work.

you know we still love you and will support any choice you make, just like our cowboy-loving sister who obviously took complete leave of her senses many years ago when she donned the aikman jersey. but wayne, I'd like to ask you to reconsider. do you really want to dress your two boys in pastels every sunday?

go birds,
p

Don't hate me but...

just wanted you all to know that kevin and I are going to cancun for a week on august 3oth. the summer camp company he teaches for plans a trip for the whole company every year. this year: club med in cancun. I helped design their new website, so I get to go too.

finally, I will get a respectable tan.

and I'm going to attempt (for the second time in my life) to scuba dive. as some of you will remember, my first attempt in aruba, oh so many years ago, was a minor disaster. I've read that breathing exclusively through one's mouth is quite difficult for highly intelligent people, so that explains the aruba tragedy.

swimming with the fishes,
p

Going for Gold in Watching the Olympics

So I've been obsessed with watching these Olympic Games and it has not disappointed. If you guys didn't see the Men's Swimming 4x100 meter relay you need to watch it in its entirety because it was awesome. Gives me chills every time they replay it. You can find it here

It's Always Sunny in...well...Los Angeles

following in the footsteps of brother, I thought I'd update the family (although at this moment in B-J Blog history it seems as if the family consists of two dedicated bloggers...hint, hint other family members...get yo arses in the computer chair and hit some keys...represent, yo) on my goings-on out here in la-la land. so, without further ado, may I present to you excerpts from the stunning work A Day in the Life of Patty Denisovich (by Alexander "Dead" Solzhenitsyn):

I awake at 8, curse the alarm, pee (in the bathroom, not in my bed like bob does), then head to the kitchen for some carnation instant breakfast and a banana. I make the long commute to my living room and check and return emails, research the new tax codes, etc. then it's straight to the reebok zx1000 elliptical machine to get a little cardio as I rock out to the dixie chicks or a podcast of the car talk guys. if it's monday, wednesday or friday the cardio is followed by 45 minutes of the newly acquired dvd version of, wait for it, the ORIGINAL BUNS OF STEEL with Greg Smithey in all it's cheesy but aerobically sadistic 1987 glory.

shower.

then straight to the computer, where I sit. and sit. and sit. mind you I'm designing while sitting, but I can't stress enough how much sitting is involved in my job. oh, and staring. at a big monitor.

right now, I'm working on a bunch of projects. here's a sample: a social networking site for cougars (not the animals, the older ladies with a lust for younger meat), a website for an integrative medicine and chi center, a social networking site for recovering alcoholics called MySoberScene, a new website for an orphanage in rwanda (where kevin and I will visit in october!!!!), a few band websites (Grace Potter and the Nocturnals, Jackie Tohn, the Brew), and a site for Chipstack (a leader in the rapidly emerging market for three dimensional multi-package modules!!!)

I probably lost you with that last one. but if not, here's how the rest of my day plays out:

lunch:grilled cheese or top ramen.

more sitting. and designing. until it's quittin' time at the gulag.

dinner: top ramen or grilled cheese.

well, that's my work day. hope you enjoyed it.

go eagles.

p

A plea for technological help

If any members of this illustrious clan have the technical know-how, I have a favor to ask. The Olympics are in full swing, but alas, I have no DVR with which to record the festivities. I would like to record the diving events so I can use them to train my team, and I didn't know if someone could record them for me and format them so I could put them on my computer as files I can edit in iMovie or Final Cut. The first event I am looking to get starts on Thursday.

Thanks

B

P.S. Anyone know how to post a URL link so it appears as a word and not the whole link address...you know, so it appears underlined in blue and when you click on it it takes you to the link. I am not so good at Html formatting.

The headiness of hope under the guillotine again

This morning I opened the drawer and took it out. I brushed off the dust and remnants of heartbreak from its verdant cloth and sprayed a little Fabreeze to vanquish the smell of defeat that clung to it like a parasite. And finally I donned...my Eagles jersey.

Preseason begins in 45 minutes. Another season is upon us. Go Birds!!!

I made pesto to honor the occassion...because pesto is green...and so are the Eagles...the team...not the bird.

So everyone raise a glass and say it with me...

"Hi-diddle-diddle-straight-up-the-middle...to a Superbowl victory!!!"

B

On with the show...

So since this blog is currently on its shaky post-natal legs, and does not have a cool, hip and defined personality, I figured we at least need something towards which to take our first steps.

I am currently waist deep in a year's worth of Division 1 NCAA Diving workouts. This includes ab workouts, trampoline workouts, weight training, cardio workouts, and, of course, workouts on the actual diving boards. My brain is melty. But it is all worth it, because I have a great team coming back this year and I'm pretty excited. So for the purpose of having a reference point for who and what I am talking about for the next year, here is a brief introduction to WKU Diving.

Divers:
Emily - Senior - Kentucky girl, not very good when she came to school, last season's Sunbelt Conference Champion.

Erica - Senior - My crazy Canadian, the only hockey fan besides me in Kentucky, daredevil.

Peyton - Junior - Pale fella (we call him Casper), amazing diver, qualified for Zone Championships last year, slowest eater in the world.

Morgan - One of my new ones. Another Kentucky girl so I have high hopes

Jake - Freshman - Great kid, good diver, Lots of promise

Vinnie - Freshman - Great kid, good diver, lots of promise.

Jim - Freshman - Local boy from Bowling Green. I've coached him for 3 1/2 years on my club team. Great kid. Great family.

Our season starts August 25th (first day of practice) and our first meet is the middle of October.

Also cool, one of WKU's former swimmers Mallory Mead just successfully swam the English Channel in a time of 10 hrs. and 34 min.

That's it from my end...for now.

B

it's all happening...

b-j's ride again! wait a second. that doesn't look right either.

kudos to brother bob for setting this blizog up, yo.

right now I'm sitting in encino working on hangtags for Sears Boys Dresswear!!! life is very good.

p

B-J Blog redux...oh that title doesn't look right...

So Patty and I decided to get this blog back on the air. Right now I am the only one who can post because I am the king and you guys are serfs and I win so shut up. But I guess I can give up some of my dictatorial power and let you guys post too. Here's what you do. Respond to the e-mail blogger sent you. You will be able to post.

Here's my puppy